I can't believe that I wrote this story in Year 6. It is a story I wrote for a school assignment, where we were shown 3 pictures and we had to base a story on one of the pictures. I came up with this. I ended up getting a Principal's award for it and I got admitted into the Principle's Collection. It was also put on show in the library for a short amount of time. This is the story.
A New World
“Nurse, nurse, they’re in here again. The mongrels are in here again!”
“Calm down Amber. If you boys come in here again, I will be reporting you to the police!” Gayle yells out the window. She looks at the frail patient on the crisp white hospital sheets and decides to give the machinery a final check before she finishes her shift. As the young nurse checked that all of the clear tubes were correctly plugged into the wall, she wished that the gang of teenage boys would stop climbing the wall and terrorising the old patient before she had a heart attack and died. She knew that Amber didn’t have long to go until her life ended anyway. She was 97 and very weak. Her husband had died long before she had even turned 70.
“Okay Amber, I will lock the window so those teenagers can’t get in here. Do you want some medicine so that it’s easier to sleep?”
“No thanks. Turn out the light.” Amber snapped.
“Goodnight,” Gayle whispered as she turned out the light and shut the door.
Amber sighed. She wasn’t trying to be mean to Gayle. She had been like a mum for her. She would hold the spoon and put it in her mouth. She would get magazines for her to read. She would even help her go to the toilet! It was just her age. She sighed again. As Amber shut her eyes, she became aware of all the aches that she tried to block out during the day. In the neck, shoulders back, ams, hands, fingers, thighs, knees, calves and ankles she ached. She just wanted to die there and then. To get rid of the aches and pains. To get rid of all the needles and painkillers. As she thought about dying, she drifted into an uneasy sleep.
“Uuuhh, what time is it?” Amber grumbled, fumbling around to try and stop the noise. Once the noise stopped, Amber became aware of something. She was standing up! She didn’t feel like she needed her walking stick. She felt like she could run and dance! As her bare feet sank into the ground beneath her, she realized that she was standing on grass! She opened her eyes to see endless hills with grass completely covering them. Blue sky stretched every direction she could see. As she took all this in, Amber became aware of someone standing behind her. When she tried to turn, she found that her feet wouldn’t obey. When she tried to turn her head, she found that her neck wouldn’t obey. As she tried to move, a voice made her attempts to stop immediately.
“Stop trying.” ‘A man’s voice’, Amber decided. “Now, I am going to give you two tests to see that you are fit and worthy to live in heaven. The first test. Who am I?”
Amber concentrated hard on the echoing words and gasped in shock.
“Alfred, is that you?”
“Yes sweetheart. When I died and came here, I felt angry with myself for leaving you at Earth. I then found out that you would come here. So I had to wait. You have passed the first test. The second one. Run over those hills until you find a village. There I will take you to my cottage and I will get some food for us to eat. Now, are you ready?”
“Yes,” Amber found herself saying.
“Then go!” Shouted Alfred. As he said the word ‘go’, Amber broke out at a fast pace. She went down one hill, then up another, down one, up one. As she went up each hill, she found her speed increasing. By the time she saw the first house roofs of the village, everything around her was a green blur. She laughed in delight as she came out into the town square. She had found her place in heaven.
Now after looking at this again, I can see ways to improve, but this was the exact copy that I wrote a few years ago.
A New World
“Nurse, nurse, they’re in here again. The mongrels are in here again!”
“Calm down Amber. If you boys come in here again, I will be reporting you to the police!” Gayle yells out the window. She looks at the frail patient on the crisp white hospital sheets and decides to give the machinery a final check before she finishes her shift. As the young nurse checked that all of the clear tubes were correctly plugged into the wall, she wished that the gang of teenage boys would stop climbing the wall and terrorising the old patient before she had a heart attack and died. She knew that Amber didn’t have long to go until her life ended anyway. She was 97 and very weak. Her husband had died long before she had even turned 70.
“Okay Amber, I will lock the window so those teenagers can’t get in here. Do you want some medicine so that it’s easier to sleep?”
“No thanks. Turn out the light.” Amber snapped.
“Goodnight,” Gayle whispered as she turned out the light and shut the door.
Amber sighed. She wasn’t trying to be mean to Gayle. She had been like a mum for her. She would hold the spoon and put it in her mouth. She would get magazines for her to read. She would even help her go to the toilet! It was just her age. She sighed again. As Amber shut her eyes, she became aware of all the aches that she tried to block out during the day. In the neck, shoulders back, ams, hands, fingers, thighs, knees, calves and ankles she ached. She just wanted to die there and then. To get rid of the aches and pains. To get rid of all the needles and painkillers. As she thought about dying, she drifted into an uneasy sleep.
“Uuuhh, what time is it?” Amber grumbled, fumbling around to try and stop the noise. Once the noise stopped, Amber became aware of something. She was standing up! She didn’t feel like she needed her walking stick. She felt like she could run and dance! As her bare feet sank into the ground beneath her, she realized that she was standing on grass! She opened her eyes to see endless hills with grass completely covering them. Blue sky stretched every direction she could see. As she took all this in, Amber became aware of someone standing behind her. When she tried to turn, she found that her feet wouldn’t obey. When she tried to turn her head, she found that her neck wouldn’t obey. As she tried to move, a voice made her attempts to stop immediately.
“Stop trying.” ‘A man’s voice’, Amber decided. “Now, I am going to give you two tests to see that you are fit and worthy to live in heaven. The first test. Who am I?”
Amber concentrated hard on the echoing words and gasped in shock.
“Alfred, is that you?”
“Yes sweetheart. When I died and came here, I felt angry with myself for leaving you at Earth. I then found out that you would come here. So I had to wait. You have passed the first test. The second one. Run over those hills until you find a village. There I will take you to my cottage and I will get some food for us to eat. Now, are you ready?”
“Yes,” Amber found herself saying.
“Then go!” Shouted Alfred. As he said the word ‘go’, Amber broke out at a fast pace. She went down one hill, then up another, down one, up one. As she went up each hill, she found her speed increasing. By the time she saw the first house roofs of the village, everything around her was a green blur. She laughed in delight as she came out into the town square. She had found her place in heaven.
Now after looking at this again, I can see ways to improve, but this was the exact copy that I wrote a few years ago.